Anil Dash: Economics, Pricing, and Monkey Whores

June 30th, 2005

Anil Dash: Economics, Pricing, and Monkey Whores

Perfect title, and the article says it all.

By the end of the day

June 30th, 2005

So it’s the end of the day…

Today had mixed reviews. It started out piss poor – I mean, I really was not finding the value and love in the world around me when my phone rang at 8am to let me know that there had been a $5000 on a credit card in my name that I had never seen.

Then I was all pissy about having to write documentation all day.

I buckled down. Dexter mercifully took a nap today. So got to work from 9 – through to about 3:30 (minus travel time to panera). Then I put a movie on for Dex despite the fact that we were on a tv break for the last 3 days. And I basically ignored him as long as he could last. That was until about 4:30… I felt really bad about ignoring him. But he was still tired eyeed and he enjoyed the Elmo movie about sharing. Even if it did star Katie Kurick.

From 4:30-6 we read, and played a bit, and then I pretty much tagged Mariel and she took the kid out.

The reason I’m going into such detail is because I got into a zone today. It has been months since I have been in a programming mind set.

Even when Mariel got home I was still in a pissy mood about the work I had done all day, but when she left and I knew I had another hour or so left to work, my mind smiled.

So I went into the zone and everything fell into place. All the loose ends that felt like the death of my day were now getting tied into wonderful knots. Like a surgeon tying up what was, up until a minute ago, a train wreck of internal processes splattered all over a web page or two. Now there were neat little stitches and nice reconstructive admin pages that were smooth and only slightly hinted at the magic below.

I tried to go to bed with Mariel at 9:45, but I just can’t. That would be like 9 hours until she gets up, and that’s a lot of sleep even for the domesticed matt. Instead of falling asleep, I thought about work… and then when I pushed work out of my mind so that I might fall asleep, I thought about all the things I’d rather be doing round’ about this time of night. And then I just gave up and picked up the laptop and wrote this. I should probably go work out to get in some physical activity in for the day.

if that doesn’t make you feel better…

June 30th, 2005

haha… do finally I get ssl encryption on all my work protocols and I’m pretty much ready to go.

Funny thing about panera – I’m digging the scene. I’m nestled in the least visible corner, right next to the fire extinguisher… and this lady comes over and starts messing with the window blinds right over my head. I’m genuinely typie typie, so I just concentrate on work stuff…

And she continues for about 4 minutes… fixing the window, moving the table, setting up the chairs, fixing her hair, setting up the table… then disappears for 5 minute sto get her food… This is a completely “Monk” moment. Right now there is a sugar packet going under one of her table legs. I can only hope that she’s meeting someone and that’s why there’s such a production.

Needless to say, the things that I’m pre-occupied with are much less real then whatever this lady is dealing with. I haven’t actually looked directly, this has all been in my peripheral and I think I’m going to keep it that way. It is probably way more impressive in my mind then in reality.

Like I bet if I looked right now, there would be like a swarm of ants crawling over everything, and there’s a very good reason why there’s too much Figit.

And I don’t want to ruin the idea.

So, today.

June 30th, 2005

For the record, I feel almost completely out of control.

I have been through the whole delmna of figuring out what control means, and whether there ever is such a thing, and how to approach the subject rhetorically so I can even advance the conversation and all that jazz… blah blah.

Whatever things that I have done in the past to allow myself to think that I was exercising some control overr the world aroud me – I’m not doing those right now.

I got a call from an automated discovery thing today telling me that I had made a charge of $4900 on a card that I’m not entirely sure that I’ve ever seen. So that’s a bit startling.

Yesterday, I checked into DCu just to look at things, and find out if the car loan had been activated yet. It had, but I saw a completely foreign red font next to my checking account, and it seems that I was overdrawn. This is the very first time I have ever “bounced” a check… so that’s very unsettling.

Also, my car loan rate, is like way off from the lowest that DCU offers (6.7% compared to 5.7%) so that makes me wonder if my credit is bad or something…

So now, I’m at panera, listening to classical music, sipping coffee, eating an everything bagel and loving the fact that I’m no longer at home with the damned jack hammer outside my window.

I should make a habit of this. There are people around and in a rather unpredictable (for me personally but not for the species) way, all those people around me are helping me to settle down a little.

Settled down until of course I finish this entry and actually start to get some work done.

Today’s focus will be writting documentation for a produce site that I already spent a great deal of time designing to NOT NEED DOCUMENTATION – and it’s all for this one person who i believe has never read one single word of any of the emails I have sent her with instructions on how to use the website.

Morale will be taking a hit today folks…. stiff upper lip and all that. Once more into the breech my dear friends.

Oh yeah!?

June 30th, 2005

Who cares… I could have tons of money, be in incredible physical shape, professionally successful and charming… if I was interested in that.

My first reaction was: “Where were your hands? and why weren’t you hugging that guy, he’s awesome!”

NNDB: Tracking the entire world

June 29th, 2005

NNDB: Tracking the entire world

This site sucked me in for a good 30 minutes or so. It’s got information on a bunch of people.

NNDB is an intelligence aggregator that tracks the activities of people we have determined to be noteworthy, both living and dead.

Ralph is the man.
18-Jun-2005 ? Ralph Nader: “I feel like a nigger .

Joined in holy mattiphony

June 27th, 2005

It’s monday.

I’m sore. Probably because I’m a touch sick. Dex is coughy and Mariel feels like crap. I think I might feel much worse if it was winter.

We just got back from Kelly’s wedding in Vermont. The trip went really quick. The drive seemed especially quick considering we didn’t use any mp3 or video entertainment. I really hate radio. I’ve come to loath it so completely.

A tiny voice in my head is obcessed with getting some better entertainment into my subaru… but there’s really not much I can do about it at all. I’ve read up on the web and the solutions are pretty intricate and warranty voiding.

So on to the wedding tip stuff. I was a little stupid and only got one source for directions to the church…. Chuck thought we were at a completely different hotel so he sent us north. As soon as I got to the northern exit my mind started completely screaming at me, and my coolness told me to just relax and check out the exit a little bit more.

I drove 3 miles in the wrong direction off of the wrong exit, and turned around to go the originaly wrong direction. Becca called to see where we were and I told her we were lost, so she handed the phone to Rob – one of the bridal party…. he didn’t know where we were from my descriptions, so he handed the phone to Bob – the father of the Bride!

I felt completely stupid, but I didn’t let that feeling take seed. We showed up a little before the homily. It was hot hot hot – and not in a congo line way, but in a stuff church kind of way. The longer I stay away from church the more certain I am when I go back that it’s a very incredible nuerosis.

Chuck did his best to tread all over Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. He was hot in that dress. It was still better then most every other wedding homily I’ve heard, but that really says much more about all the other homilies. He made one funny slip when describing the beast as a “big hairy, controlling priest” or something like that.

Mariel was glowing, and I probably should have listened to her and scrapped the whole “suit” idea. Instead I just made a game of trying to control my heat.

We made it to the boat without incident. And it was neat to be on a boat – but I have to say that I’m thoroughly fed up to the gills with the wedding party boat idea. Mariel and I have been on 3 in the last 2 years.

Our table was populated with cousins. Uncle Nick’s kids, Betsy’s, and Scott Lopano sat at our table and it was a cool table.

The DJ was okay, he didn’t mispronounce anyone’s name. My shoes were completely stretched out from the scene at the last wedding, and I hadn’t tried them on until a couple minutes before we were late for the current wedding. My feet were in a ton of pain. I didn’t dare tell anyone how much every step hurt because I didn’t want to sound like every other woman at the wedding and complain about my shoes.

There wasn’t much dancing for me to do. I just tried to stay as awake, alert, and as social as possible with the onset of a cold coming. I pulled it off pretty well.

I have no steam left for this entry…. The boat did circles, the dance floor was really well lit and sticky [inhibiting my best moves], we went back to the hotel, did a quick burger king run, got pulled over because my lights weren’t on, went back, put on “The Negotiator” and almost dosed off. Justin snored like someone dying a slow death from choking on a live pig that was snoring very loud. So I would switch from smothering myself with the smoke laddened pillow to gagging from the smoke ladden pillow.

We got up – went to the Hawke’s house for brunch. It was hot outside, but I love the heat. Got to visit with more relatives. Drove back.

no gas left to write…

one last thing: I was so happy to see Dex. He floored me with this greeting:
“Hi Dad, I went under the water with Gritney at Pam’s sister’s house.”

great sentance.

If I had biblical type godness

June 24th, 2005

The design aspect of a hell that I would think would be absolutely necessary, is to make sure that no one in hell could be all that sure that they were in hell.

Like obvious suffering for a reason is such a mortal thing any way.

And what about that one over there.

June 21st, 2005

This simple conversation has been popping up over and over in my head so I have to put it down on paper.

What is the deal with priests? I think I had downplayed the importance of these sexual abuse scandals… Like, I know bad stuff can happen to good people… some people out there are buggers.

I also had realized that priests were a very special segment of the public and have gone a long way to garner trust (and lots of money) through their position.

The thing that hadn’t struck me, was how damaging it was for religion in general. I was filtering the whole conversation under the file cabinet of “What some people do for kicks”. Like if someone told me that a Cub Scout leader molested a kid I would have the same reaction as the Catholic church scandals: “Duh, you’re in a group of nut jobs, of course someone is going to fondle a kid”.

But here is the very simple discussion that I had with myself that had not been visited before.

q: “What’s the difference between a priest and a man?”

a: “A priest is someone who has a calling from God. They feel very strong about their devotion and they learn, and reflect, and pray. They learn to foster and nuture their calling and become a conduit or disciple for God here on earth.”

q: “What’s the difference between a priest who molests children and a man?”

a: “Well that’s just one sick individual who’s got some wires crossed.”

But like, that doesn’t really work. This whole secular institution that’s been created to convey the sanctity of priesthood is pure crap. Like, if a sick kid molester can get through your whole program for “developing the call from God” – well it kind of invalidates the song or the dance (or both).

The answer is of course that niether the song or the dance have any validity outside the constructs of complex social behavior and the desire of some humans to tell the noble lie to other humans so that they can have tax free property.

I’m just no good with clay.

June 21st, 2005

I have little talent in making friends.

Whatever skill there is in locating the people worth spending time with, I have none.

I do however feel very confident in my ability to recognize a good or bad thing. Like I knew Mariel was a righteous person within a minute or two. But you know what? I also thought her ex-boyfriend was cool too… so what the hell do I know.

There’s very little time spent honestly looking at the apprehensions I feel about the people “out there” because I’m fairly confident (in a quiet way) that it wouldn’t take more then a minute to pin the crosshairs of the DSM axi right on my sicknesses.

My current ruling theory has to deal with intelligence. I’m too stupid, and I’m too smart. I’m too stupid to mix in with the crowd that postulates, pontificates and discusses really complicated and rich subject matter. And I’m too smart to get into sports or talk about whatever was on Good Morning America. It’s like finding out the secret of Soylent Green, so life sucks because you know what it’s all about, but you’re also not big enough to do anything about it. So you try to mingle with the rest of the food and forget what you learned. Or you buckle down and try to learn more and get bigger – you know, jump up a weight class, and you’re just not big enough.

I’m distraught. I had met an old friend (and when I say old, I mean like from when I was 10 years old) while taking Dex to the doctors a month or two ago. I was psyched because I could totally cheat my social anxieties… THIS was a person I had met before I was jaded. The usual filters that ridicule even the nicest of strangers out of my life didn’t apply. And I tried to you know, work it… stay in touch, catch up on the decade I had missed, talk. The work. I was also psyched to just be talking to a woman… I always wanted an Elaine from Sienfeld.

So we’ve chatted, and even had a play date with her kid and mine and we used up a Friday. And there was IM’ing and emailing, friendly stuff. And it was cool or I was trying to make it cool.

But it’s broke. You know, I just got the willies yesterday when she visited. It probably has everything to do with my mood. It probably has everything to do with stories that I’ve been through before. It probably has everything to do with emotional trauma car wrecks that I drove by very slowly and saw the torn flesh and felt the heat of the burning tires.

But it broke. So now I have to like betray the trust. We swapped pasts and now I have to go and say “I’ve heard too much background story and now it seems like this whole thing could be poorly motivated.”

I have this dime-store psychology shit stain perception. At first I think I can nail people’s fears and motivations. Then I tell myself that I’m crazy and it’s a false perception that’s trumped up to make me feel superior. Then things happen exactly the way I perceived they would. So I’m back at square one and I just don’t get involved any more.

I need to really explore the personal phenomenon that makes me think I can tap into subtexts and stuff. Because it’s a totally self-fulfilling delusion. Once I get a “vibe” then I’m going to want it to become true.

Even in this case… suppose I come out and tell this friend of mine “I’ve heard your story before and it feels like this isn’t going to be able to be just a friend like Plato would have” and I’m wrong. It’s shot from the get go. I’ve like completely violated the trust with which we swapped stories. Like, I’m using it to make decisions about the future.

The worst thing is that I no longer question these feelings I get. I test them for sure. I try to suspend the verdict, but I no longer think there’s a possibility that I’m not on 95% of the time. So I imagine that if I quiet all this conflict right now… if I just let things play out naturally and it happens to deteriorate like I think it will… that will just feed the fire.

This is totally a case for Lithium.